Divorce is one of the most painful experiences in a person’s life. The process involves intense feelings, especially if it’s acrimonious. According to studies, many factors can lead to divorce. In America, about 45% of marriages end up in divorce. Although this seems like a grim statistic, getting to know what causes divorce can make the process easier. It will also help you avoid some of the courses and hopefully help you live happily ever after with your better half.
Going through a divorce is a challenging process. That is why you need a friend who will be with you every step of the way. Divorce involves many legal aspects like asset division, child custody and other legal issues. If you are filing for divorce in San Diego, do not hesitate to contact the San Diego Family Law Attorney. We will help make the divorce process as smooth as possible.
What Are The Common Reasons For Divorce?
Incompatibility
One of the leading causes of divorce in the United States is incompatibility, as surprising as that might sound. In a recent study, over 43% of couples who filed for divorce cited incompatibility as the reason they parted ways. Basic incompatibility encompasses many things and might mean different things to different people. For example, some couples argue a lot since they are incompatible. The husband and wife might also find out that their goals and aspirations are very different, which causes constant friction.
The problem arises when you tie the knot too soon after you meet before you get to know if your partner's dreams and aspirations are the same as yours. Incompatibility eventually leads to an emotional distancing between you and your partner, where you grow apart every day.
Maybe as a husband, you want to have kids as soon as possible after marriage. On the other hand, your wife wants to progress her career. She feels that having kids will derail her goal of growing her career. If you do not come to a compromise, your different goal leads to incompatibility.
Infidelity
Another common cause of divorce in America is infidelity. When you cheat on your partner, it becomes incredibly challenging for your spouse to ever trust you again. Cheating can involve one-night stands or long or short-term affairs. Many people find it difficult to forgive their partners after they cheat. As such, the partner decides to file for divorce.
At times though, your marriage can survive the cheating episode. Your partner might have cheated on you due to other inherent problems in the marriage. Maybe you are no longer sexually attracted to your partner. Your partner might cheat on you to fulfill their sexual desire. Your spouse should not cheat on you no matter the reason. At times though, the cheating brings to the fore some issues you might not have noticed.
Low self-esteem can lead to infidelity. Your spouse might also cheat to get back at you for something you did or are doing. A work-based affair usually starts as a casual relationship. Over time, you start having feelings for each other. If you are not careful, you might cheat on your spouse with a colleague, which could lead to divorce.
Addiction
Another common course for divorce in America is addiction. Although drug and alcohol is the most prevalent form of addiction, you can also be addicted to other things. An addiction can be the cause of your divorce. You can grow apart from each other, and you or your partner turns to addiction to try and fill their loneliness. You can get addicted to pornography, shopping, gambling or infidelity.
Addiction causes you to lie, cheat or steal to satisfy your cravings. When you engage in such behavior, you threaten the foundation of your marriage. An addiction, though, does not have to be the cause of your divorce. Many addiction treatment options are available. But you have to be committed to the treatment if you are to save your marriage.
Abuse
Abuse is another common reason why people walk away from their marriages. Marital abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, psychological or financial abuse.
Although you should not perpetrate any form of abuse against your partner, you might find yourself yelling at your spouse periodically. You can work on such abuse with your partner through counseling. You might decide to take anger management classes to help you control your temper.
In some cases, though, your partner might be perpetually abusive. It is worse when they threaten to hurt the kids. In such cases, divorce is the only viable option to prevent further injuries or death. Many people have died at the hands of their spouses due to physical abuse.
It is not safe for you or your kids to stay with a perpetually abusive spouse. If your life is in danger or you feel threatened in any way, it is advisable to divorce the abusive spouse. You can also enlist the help of a family law attorney if you think a restraining order against your abusive spouse is necessary.
Lack Of Intimacy
Intimacy is crucial in a marriage. When you are intimate with your partner, you feel secure in the relationship. Once the spark of intimacy is over, insecurity creeps in, which might lead to divorce. Intimacy is much more than sex, as integral as it is in a marriage. Intimacy is the deep connection you have with your partner.
You can show intimacy to your partner in several ways. You can go for a walk together, kiss them on the cheek every morning or give them inexpensive gifts often. These acts reassure your spouse that you still love them. When you stop these acts of intimacy, your partner can become insecure and think they are no longer attractive. They may turn cold towards you, and before long, the spark you had is gone.
Finances
Another issue that might lead to divorce is money. Money can create a rift between you and your spouse. If you do not agree on how to spend your cash, your different spending habits can drive you apart as it causes a lot of friction. Maybe you are a spendthrift, and your partner is much more careful with how they use the money. Additionally, money can also bring about power struggles if you make more money than your partner. If you do not deal with the power struggle, your marriage can end up on the rocks.
The lack of cash can also cause a rift between you and your partner. If you lose your job, for example, your partner has to be the sole breadwinner. The added responsibility might put them under much pressure. It is possible to work out money issues by having a budget and also setting financial goals together.
Lack Of Proper Communication
Any relationship is based on proper communication. When proper communication is absent, disagreements are bound to occur. Communication is crucial in a marriage. When you don’t communicate well, your partner feels dejected, which might lead to resentment feelings.
It is vital as a couple to create an environment where you can talk about anything and everything. Your partner should be your confidant. They should feel comfortable enough to share anything with you. When you have unhealthy communication, your marriage will suffer, which can lead to a divorce. When you yell, make demeaning comments about your partner or give them the silent treatment, happiness will disappear from your marriage.
When you no longer communicate, you can feel lonely and start drifting apart from each other.
When One Person Has A Stronger Personality Than The Other
Personalities differ. The same is true even in marriages. You might have a more assertive personality, while your spouse is more subjective. If you use your assertive personality to make all the relationship decisions, your spouse can feel unimportant. The feeling of not being important in the relationship can lead to resentment and eventually divorce.
A marriage should give both parties room to have a say in the decisions you make as a couple. When you allow each other to express themselves freely, you will complement each other since both of you have your strengths and weaknesses.
Spending time together is great. But you should also allow your partner to have their independence. It is essential to let your spouse create meaningful friendships. Let them hang out with friends with whom they have a common interest. They can't party the whole night but giving them their freedom is important for any marriage. When you suffocate your spouse by controlling them, they can decide to seek freedom by divorcing you.
Your personality also comes into play when raising kids. If you are assertive, you may want to lay strict rules your kids must follow. On the other hand, if your partner is more laid back, they might be more relaxed in their parenting methods. If you do not work out on the best way to raise your kids, your different parenting approaches can become a source of constant fights, leading to a divorce.
It is also possible to find that taking care of the kids is what kept your marriage together. Once the kids are grown up and no longer need as much attention, you realize you have drifted very much apart, and neither of you is happy in the marriage.
Marrying When Too Young
Marriage is an exciting adventure. But it is also challenging. As such, you should be well prepared, not only financially but also emotionally and psychologically. Every marriage undergoes a rough patch. If you are not mature enough to handle the challenges marriage life throws at you, you will end up walking away from the marriage.
According to a recent study, most couples who marry in their 20s end up in divorce. Most people in their 20s are not yet well established in their careers and might not have enough cash to sustain a marriage. When you start a family, your financial obligations increase. You have to find a bigger house, take care of your kids’ needs and meet other financial obligations. The lack of money can cause a lot of friction between you and your partner if you don’t find an amicable solution. The constant conflict can lead to divorce.
As earlier stated, communication is vital in a marriage. When you are in your younger years, expressing yourself clearly can be a challenge. The lack of proper communication can cause resentment in your partner. Parenting when you are not fully mature is also a challenge. The responsibility of parenting can be a cause of stress for you and your partner. The stress can be too much for your marriage to survive.
Having The Wrong Expectations About Marriage Life
Everyone has expectations in life. It’s no different in marriage. When you marry or get married, you have expectations of the marriage itself and on your partner. You expect your marriage to work in a particular manner. You also expect your partner to behave in a specific way.
Unfortunately, you might be expecting too much from your marriage or your partner. When you set your expectations too high, you are in for a rude shock. You might expect your partner to be too tidy, respectful, or obedient at all times. But do not forget, they are also human and have their weak points. If you do not learn to manage your expectations, you will get frustrated because your partner doesn't meet your expectations.
You should realize that your partner has had a different upbringing. Your priorities might not be their priorities. If you fail to communicate your expectations with your partner, you can end up feeling dejected. When you are in a marriage, you should learn to manage your expectations and communicate them clearly to your partner.
Remember expecting something from your partner doesn’t mean it will happen. When you have very high expectations of your partner, which they don’t meet, you can become disillusioned. The disillusionment can lead to divorce.
You Become Tired Of Trying To Salvage The Marriage
People in long-term relationships don’t just wake up and call it quits. Many times, one partner has tried to work on the marriage with little or no success. You may have put in a lot of work to salvage your marriage. Your efforts may not bear any fruits, and so you decide to quit. Maybe your partner does not want the marriage to work, and they put zero effort in trying to salvage the marriage.
When you work so hard for your marriage to work and your partner seems not to care, you reach a point when you can't do it anymore. It is at this breaking point you realize things will not work out and opt for a divorce.
Lack Of Adequate Pre Marital Counselling
Participating in premarital counselling is crucial before you tie the knot. In the program, you are prepared for what to expect in marriage life. The counsellor educates you on the importance of effective communication, managing your expectations, and other essential aspects of marriage. The problem is that premarital counselling can’t teach all there is in marriage. Marriage grows, and you should grow with it. You change as an individual, and so does your partner. If you do not evolve with the marriage, you will find it difficult to hang on, especially when your marriage encounters challenges.
Another vital aspect that premarital counselling might overlook is your religious differences. To some people, religion takes preeminence in their lives. They act and make decisions per their religious convictions. Maybe smoking to you is not a big deal, but it can be an affront to your partner. Some religions have differing basic tenets. If you disagree, your religious beliefs can conflict with those of your partner. Such contradictions can cause a rift between you and lead to an unhappy marriage. The unhappiness can become too much that you prefer to file for divorce.
Lack Of Commitment In A Marriage
People marry for different reasons. Some marry to bolster their social status. Others marry to have kids, and yet others marry for love. If you marry for the wrong reasons, you will not have the commitment marriage requires. When you marry for love, you adhere to the wedding vows, which state you will be together for better or worse.
Call Family Law Attorney Near Me
Going through a divorce is difficult. You experience intense feelings since you have shared good and bad moments with your partner. A divorce can either be peaceful or acrimonious. Although many people get into marriage for keeps, it does always work out. You might decide to go your separate ways for several reasons. You might realize that you argue and fight every time or your partner is perpetually abusive. Whichever the reason for your divorce, you need a family law attorney to guide you through the legal process. If you are considering a divorce and need legal guidance, call San Diego Family Law Attorney at 619-610-7425.
