How to Have an Amicable Divorce

Ending a marriage after years of trying to make things work may be the best decision you will ever make. Nonetheless, getting here is not always easy, and many people are too afraid to accept the reality. You may blame yourself or your partner for wrongdoing that undermined the relationship or blame yourself for not trying hard enough to salvage the marriage.

There could be severe tension before filing a petition, and usually, things get worse after serving the papers. One partner may feel blindsided by this move and react negatively, thus making the process more difficult. The San Diego Family Law Attorney handles many divorces, and our sole purpose is to help clients separate amicably. What kind of separation would you like for yourself? In this article, our legal experts share tips on how to get the best amicable divorce to help so you can move forward seamlessly.

1. Refrain from Negative Talk

Receiving the news that your partner wants to end the marriage and possibly move on with someone else may be unfathomable. You feel betrayed after years of what you thought was a happy relationship. They could have been carrying on an affair for many years or even started a new family outside wedlock. Seething with rage can make people utter words they wish they could take back, but you want to avoid this route. We advise clients to refrain from speaking ill of their partners in their presence or with friends as this will only exacerbate matters and start a vicious cycle of revenge.

More so, the kids will resent you for hauling insults at each other, and this unbecoming behavior can affect them in the long term. Set a great example by handling things maturely and keeping heated exchanges away from the children’s vicinity, and even so, do not get carried away by feelings. Take ownership of your role in the marriage breakdown instead of shifting the blame on your partner. This attitude helps you see how things unfolded over time – including the good times – instead of only seeing the rough patches.

Reflective thinking also leads you to appreciate your partner and have mutual respect for one another regardless of what transpired during the marital union. We have seen couples who have every right to be angry with their estranged spouses iron out issues and get divorced without drama. Not only is this process more manageable, but it is also less expensive, which means keeping more funds to raise the kids post-divorce.

2. Practice Forgiveness

Keeping away from negative talk is just one step in the divorce process. If you wish to go your separate ways without unnecessary emotional baggage, start practicing forgiveness. Your partner may have a myriad of transgressions ranging from domestic abuse to extramarital affairs to mishandling the family's income. They may never have embraced parenting despite having been excited about starting a family, or maybe they grew emotionally distant over time. Whatever the case may be, forgiving these mishaps is the best recourse, so you unburden your heart.

Journaling is an excellent way of letting go of pent-up anger and frustration. Jot down every little detail that robbed you of your joy, how you felt at the time, and what you wish could have been done differently. In his book "The Book of Forgiving," Desmond Tutu advocates for forgiveness as letting go of the past helps you step into your future. There is no reversing the decision, especially if your partner initiated the divorce; you can only move on and start working for a beautiful future.

Your children deserve to be raised in a happy and supportive environment and even more so after witnessing their family, breaking up and changing their lives forever, freeing yourself from the emotional baggage of a marriage that didn't work out leaves you free to explore other options. Meeting someone new and possibly to settle down are within the realm of possibility. Forgiveness also helps partners be more civil toward one another, especially when it comes to child custody hearings and dividing marital assets. The sooner you can agree on who gets what, the sooner you can get a marriage disillusionment.

3. Proper Financial Management

Money is a central factor in divorce, and in many cases, a significant trigger for ending the marriage. Your partner may have been terrible at budgeting the household income preferring to buy pricey items without checking with you. They may be neglecting to pay the bills even when the funds are available, and this leads to more stress and inconveniences. Such lousy money habits cannot be allowed during divorce as they will impact how much you walk away with once the decree is granted.

Gather all relevant financial documents and make copies for safekeeping in a safe deposit box or another location where your partner cannot find them. These documents include pay stubs, bank statements, credit card statements, receipts, tax returns for the past five years or so. The next step is examining these documents to curate a list of assets and liabilities to gauge your financial health.

San Diego Family Law Attorney advises clients who were not heavily involved in financial matters during the marriage to become acquainted as they prepare for divorce hearings. Having limited financial literacy exposes you to being taken advantage of by your ex-partner, and you could end up with an unequal distribution of assets. Accepting a property that comes with extra expenses like taxes may seem lucrative to the untrained eye, but it could lead to financial ruin.

Our firm works with financial advisors who can inspect your monetary documents to detect any anomalies that could mislead you into making bad decisions. Remember, your home must continue running as usual, and the bills will only pile up as the children grow and their needs evolve. Braces don't come cheap, and neither are school trips and preparing for college SATs and applications. What if there are medical emergencies? It is our job to help you make smart money decisions, so you are not left in financial ruin post-divorce.

4. Find a Support Network

Asking for help is not always easy and much less when you are vulnerable. Coming to terms with the decision to end things can weigh on you and leave you feeling like a failure. You may start lagging on household chores, attending school activities, making home-cooked meals, doing carpools, while holding down a job. Not everyone can excel at parenting while working on an impending marriage disillusionment, and that is why having supportive friends is crucial. After the initial embarrassment of sharing this painful news, you will find that having supportive people around is not a bad idea at all.

You can relieve yourself of some duties like carpooling and let other parents handle this for a while. If your family lives nearby, you can request someone to come to start dinner before you get home or take the kids to their extracurricular activities. Getting help on a few chores here and there frees your time so you can attend to pressing matters like meeting with a financial advisor to discuss a potential settlement.

Self-care is also vital during this tumultuous time. You can schedule breakup therapy to strengthen your mental health, so you emerge a stronger person and parent now and as you transition into the new life. Depending on the circumstances of the divorce, your support system can help you find a safe residence away from an abusive spouse. They can help babysit so you don't have to spend extra money on childcare until the settlement check arrives.

If your spouse was the sole breadwinner, it is expedient that you start finding employment so you can support the family post-divorce. Sometimes the financial health of a marriage is so dire that alimony and child support are not feasible or the funds are not enough to subsist on without an additional income. Your support network can suggest employment options or recommend you for jobs that would otherwise be out of reach for a homemaker.

5. Manage Your Expectations

Divorce is so pervasive in California that you may already know couples who ended their relationship. There are tales about who ended up with everything while their ex-spouse could barely afford to rent an apartment. Naysayers will say that since California allows no-fault divorce, you cannot hold your partner accountable for their actions. We advise clients to do their research and listen to their networks but also to think autonomously from these opinions.

Every divorce is different, families have different financial situations, and the kids could be older or younger. All these factors play a role in how the marriage ends, and both parties must remain acutely aware of this fact. Do not compare yourself to people who get sizeable alimony and child support checks every month and can afford to go on vacations.

You could have significant savings but have racked in massive credit card debts or made uninformed investment choices. Some couples are forced to part with prized possessions to pay off creditors and other extreme measures. Divorce is an emotional process, and perfecting the art of a harmonious divorce is a learned skill that can help you cope with difficult choices. Remember, doing what is best for you requires careful weighing of the available options and heeding to our expert advice, so you make sensible transactions.

6. Hire Legal Experts

Whether or not a divorce is contested, you need legal advice to help you navigate family law. You may be familiar with a few elements of divorce, but that knowledge is not sufficient to complete the process without expert mediation. There will be many discussions revolving around money, debt, child custody, offloading property, etc. and the back and forth can take a toll. We bring years of experience litigating easy and complex divorces with different circumstances and successfully maneuvered to get the best outcomes for clients. 

Even when you agree on something, this decision is not final until you draft a contract to that effect and both parties sign on the dotted line. Court documents are legally binding so that neither spouse can renege on property division, child custody, and other terms. You may not know what documents are required and where to file them, and this is where expert attorneys step in and deal with the courts. We understand the intricacies of divorce and will help you avoid the usual pitfalls that many couples make such as filing papers in the wrong jurisdiction.

What are the Advantages of an Amicable Divorce?

Divorce is hard for everyone involved, and many couples make mistakes that prolong the process and add to the existing pain. San Diego Family Law Attorney advises clients to prepare well before divorcing so they can mitigate the impact on themselves and the children. If you can follow the above tips for reaching an amicable divorce, you stand to gain the following benefits:

1. Better Outcomes for Children

Kids are innocent, and they most certainly did not lead to the breakdown of your marriage. They deserve to continue leading their lives with minimal disruption, so nothing interferes with their development from now henceforth. The marriage may have ended, but you still have an essential role in raising kids until they are no longer in your care. Getting divorced without the usual drama and strife is healthy for children so they can see two parents who are still committed to raising them.

Communication is vital in explaining what is happening and how their lives will change. Explain that one parent may get sole custody while the other parent gets visitation days, or whatever arrangement you think is best. You also need to quell their fears about if anyone is getting remarried and will they have step-parents and step-siblings. Addressing their concerns helps them grasp what divorce means for the family, so they are not racked with worry. They feel comforted that a change in the family dynamic will not cause chaos in their lives.

Kids need to know they can still go to school, have birthdays, go on vacation, get medical attention when necessary, and all other important events. When the divorce is handled calmly, there will be fewer psychological repercussions that would undermine their academic performance. Social relationships are essential in fostering adjustment to the new normal, and when parents don't fight, the children cope better. Well-adjusted kids have less inclination to act out at school or in other social circles.

2. Less Emotional Anguish

Going through a divorce is painful enough, and nobody wants to escalate things by fighting over every little thing. If your partner wants to keep the art collection you bought during your honeymoon, let them and take something else. They may propose selling valuables at an auction and then split the proceeds to clear outstanding debts. Refusing to see their point of view only makes things harder for everyone and drags the process longer than necessary.

Putting your differences aside and remaining objective will help you achieve the best outcome under these circumstances. Making compromises here and there also encourages your partner to be open to your suggestions so you can reach amicable decisions sooner. In the end, a straightforward divorce where all parties are well-behaved is less emotionally exhausting than a separation where constant bickering takes center stage.

3. Long Sighted Decisions

It is easy to get carried away by emotions as you determine the best outcome of the divorce. One text or email you're your ex-partner could set you off so much that you want nothing more than to seek revenge. This short-sighted thinking only earns you small wins that blind you on the bigger picture. What are your long-term goals? Do you want to advance your education or switch careers? Do you wish to start a family or have more kids someday?

Peaceful divorces help you remain levelheaded, thus negating the agony of constant quarrels whenever you speak to your spouse. Being in a calm state makes you more receptive to suggestions that will yield long-term happiness even if it means being uncomfortable in the coming months. In the end, you want a divorce that leaves you capable of getting on with life, so there are no regrets or more deliberations in the foreseeable future. 

Find the Best Family Law Attorney Near Me

As you have seen in this text, there are numerous benefits to having an amicable divorce. There is no need to intentionally make things difficult as this attitude does not serve you or the kids. We urge warring couples to take a rest when things get heated, so they avoid making costly mistakes. Name-calling, hiding assets, denying visitation, and other uncouth behaviors foster hostile environments that only add to the misery of breaking up the family.

The San Diego Family Law Attorney has a proven track record of guiding clients through divorce and seeing them emerge better parents and ex-partners. Divorce transcends the feelings of both partners, and the aftermath can have enduring effects long after signing the decree. Contact us today at 619-610-7425, so we can start figuring out how to get a disillusionment without the distractions that have become the mainstay of courtrooms.

If you need a divorce or family law attorney in Los Angeles here is lawyer you can reach: Los Angeles Divorce Lawyer